Sacrament of Reconciliation

Catholic confession has been made into a caricature and for most of my life I bought into the misconception. On Christmas Eve God, in His matchless mercy, blew my lingering false notions out of the box. The day before, our sweet little 9 year old told me he wanted to make his First Confession before Mass because he had "sins on his soul". How much sin can a 9 year old have, really? But, bless his heart, it was important to him that he make his confession before receiving the Eucharist. We hadn't had a chance to carefully go over an examination of conscience or the mechanics of confession because it was so spur-of-the-minute, but he wasn't about to be deterred. He walked into the Blessed Sacrament chapel and closed the door behind him while I sat and prayed for him, then the door opened and another little boy walked out. He looked an awful lot like our son and was even wearing his clothes, but there was something very different about him. His eyes met mine and never wavered as he walked over to me wearing the sweetest smile I've ever seen. His eyes were swimming as he stopped and smiled at me, then threw his arms around me and just held on tightly. He pulled back and smiled into my eyes again before hugging me once more and kneeling to pray. He seemed to float for the rest of the day and kept telling us how good he felt inside. It was beautiful.
Monday Father was going to hear confessions before the Christmas Vigil Mass, so we made sure we were there early enough to make our confessions before the crowds arrived. Matt and I were going to be serving as Eucharistic Ministers and it was important to us that we'd each made a good confession before Mass. This would be my First Confession since I was just baptized in October and I wasn't really sure what to expect. I knew it wouldn't take me long. I'd only had two months worth of "garbage" to sift through and nothing mortal that needed addressing. I don't do drugs. Ever. I don't get drunk. Ever. I don't cheat on my husband, or even think about it. Ever. I don't swear. Ever. I don't steal or lie or wish people dead. Ever. (There are many people I've wished would move far, far away...but I never wish them dead.) The sins I wanted to confess probably seem pretty trivial to some people, but they're areas of weakness that I continually fall in and I need more of God's grace to avoid the temptations to sin. But I digress...I entered the room and knelt at the screen and told Father that this was my First Confession so I'd need him to help walk me through it. As I made my confession, even though my list of sins would probably seem trivial to others, I was overcome by a sense of sorrow that I wasn't anticipating. For the first time in my life I truly felt heartbroken by the realization that I'd let my God down. I've felt disappointed and frustrated by my own weakness, but not heartbroken about what it does to God. As I wiped my eyes and quietly knelt there Father softly chuckled and said "You long to live in a perfect world, don't you?" What?!? This is his response to my transparency and heartbreak?? "Yes, Father, I do!" I responded. To which he said, with another slight chuckle, "My child, I'm afraid you're going to have to wait until Jesus comes again." My priest laughed at me! He heard my first confession and he laughed at me!! But this is how God works with me. He allows circumstances to be less than ideal so there's no room for me to question whether or not I emotionally manipulated an experience. When the Holy Spirit spoke through Father and said "Your sins are forgiven. Go in peace." I felt a release in my spirit. I can't explain it, but I felt it. And it left me feeling like I was floating. My capacity to love seemed somehow expanded and I wanted to dance before Jesus. I wanted everyone I saw to know how deeply Christ loves them. It was wonderful!
I've prayed and sought Christ's forgiveness for my sins on a fairly regular basis throughout my adult life but I'd never before *felt* truly forgiven, even though my head told me I was. The Sacrament of Reconciliation truly is a gift from God and one of the ways Christ comes to personally interact with us. It was the best Christmas gift of all!