For The Greater Glory of God

The faith of a child....

2008-12-26T11:17:00.000-08:00

Our sweet little Anna has a depth of faith that often stuns me. How one so young can grasp deep spiritual truths as easily as she does, baffles me. I've lost count of how many times, during the past year, she's turned to me in tears during Mass, because she's overwhelmed with the realization of being so close to Jesus. She's been known to burst into tears because "Jesus had to suffer and die because of my sins when He didn't even do anything wrong! I should be the one to die for my sins, not Jesus!! He didn't deserve that!" Pretty mature for a 5-6 year old. For the past few months she's been talking a lot about not wanting to have to wait until next year to make her First Confession. She's resigned to waiting until next year for her First Communion, but she's seemed burdened by having to wait for Reconciliation. Last month, after she'd been badgering me again ;), I told her we could talk to Father O'Grady and ask him if she could go ahead and make confession now. Here's how the rest of our conversation went:

Me-Honey, we'll need to take some time to make sure you understand how to make a confession first.

Anna- That's okay Mom, Father O'Grady will help me.

Me- That's true; he will. After he hears your confession, he'll want to know if you'd like to make an act of contrition.

Anna- What's an act of contrition?

Me-It's a prayer we pray out loud telling God how sorry we are for our sins because we know they hurt him. Then we promise God that we're going to try our best not to commit those sins anymore and we ask the Holy Spirit to help us keep our promise, because we know we can't do anything without His help.

Anna-Oh, I could do that, easy!

Me- Well, like I said, we'll have to talk to Father, first. What do you feel you need to confess, Honey?

Anna- Lying.

Me- Lying?!! When did you lie?!

Anna- Two years ago, when I was four. But, I'll tell Father that I was spanked for it!!

Me- :0!! Two years ago??! Sweetheart, that was all washed away when you were baptized last year.

Anna- I know, Mom. But I'll just feel better if I can confess it anyway. I don't know why I keep doing sins! I try not to, but I just do. I want to go straight to Heaven someday, Mom! I don't want to go to prigatory (Mom grin) first, just straight there. I want to be a saint!!

Me- I love you, Sweetie!

Good grief! What do you say to that kind of passion in a barely six year old?! So, last week the kids went to Wednesday CCD, like usual, and we all attended evening Mass together afterward. When Anna spotted me sitting in the chapel, she ran over and ~~shouted~~ whispered reverently "Mom! Father O'Grady let me make my First Confession!!!" Needless to say, I was a little surprised. Although, given the independence and confidence she's always shown, I should have known she'd take matters into her own hands. :) She volunteered that she'd confessed her two-years previous lying episode as well as much more recent disobedience at home. She told me Father asked if she was truly sorry for her sins, and she she told him "Yes! Sometimes I get so mad at myself! I tell myself "Anna! Why do you keep on doing sins? Every time you do another sin it's just like putting Jesus back on the cross! I don't want Jesus to have to be up there because of me!!" She prayed her own made-up act of contrition, then left the confessional and asked Josh to help her pray her penance prayers. She was so happy and calm to have made that step. And all by herself, too.

I was a little sad that I'd missed the chance to be there praying for her as she received her second Sacrament, but my sadness was eclipsed by a deep wonder. Wonder at the grasp this child has of the power of this Sacrament. Wonder at her simple, but very mature love of God. Wonder at the unquestioning faith she has in Jesus and his willingness and ability to cleanse and forgive all sin. Wonder at the genuine sorrow she feels about her own sins because she knows Jesus is hurt by each and every one.

I think this is what Jesus was talking about in St. Mark, when He said that anyone who does not receive the Kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it. As grown ups we spend so much time over-analyzing and over-thinking every little thing. But children don't waste any energy on such things. They just keep their little spirits open and listen to the Holy Spirit whispering in their hearts and they believe. So simple. So pure. So uncomplicated. We don't need to have all the answers if we know the Answer.

Lord, protect me from the desire to fill my head with arguments and evidence. Develop in my heart the child-like simple faith you require of those who want to enter your Kindom. Make me more like Jesus.

Time flies!

2008-10-04T07:01:00.000-07:00

Today is the 1 year anniversary of the day we entered Christ's Church as a family. It doesn't seem possible that a whole year has already passed, yet in many ways it feels like we've always been here. I feel much the same way about our marriage. I can hardly believe we've been married for nearly 20 years, the time has gone so quickly! Yet on the flip side, I have a hard time remembering life before Matt because it seems we've just always been together. He completes me and is my soul-mate. With him I wear no masks and never question what's expected of me. I am me. But a more complete me than I ever was before marrying him. Had I never met Matt I wouldn't have realized how much was missing from my life; but with the blinders removed, the reality of us each being made for the other is undeniable.

The tangible sense of belonging and completeness that I feel in my marriage mirrors what I've found in Christ's Church. Had I refused the Holy Spirit's attempts to remove the blinders from my spiritual eyes, I never would have known how much I was missing in my walk with the Lord. From this side of the Tiber I can look back and see the signs of a soul searching for....I didn't know. But at the time, I would have taken offense to any charge of spiritual insecurity or uncertainty. The fact that I was still searching was something I barely acknowledged, even to myself, because it made no sense. How could I possibly be hungering for "more" when I had all there was?! The inspired, inerrant Word of God to guide my life, the Holy Spirit to personally reveal the Truth to me, the universal body of Believers to join with in worship and fleshing out our Christianity. Jesus, God incarnate, had died to pay the death penalty for my sins. He sent the Holy Spirit to be my guide and comfort and to seal me to the Father. He knows me intimately and loves me passionately. Yet knowing these truths didn't satisfy a subtle, almost imperceptible, desire for "more" in the deepest recesses of my heart. One of my oldest and closest friends pointed out to me several times throughout the years leading up to my "unveiling", that for as long as she's known me she's seen the common thread of my desire for complete personal surrender and more of Jesus. I couldn't ever quite put my finger on it, but on some level I always felt that there was "more". Countless hours spent in daily Bible study and prayer, scripture committed to memory, Biblical counseling training, multiple positions teaching, mentoring, advising. And always a niggling yearning for "more".

Exactly one year ago today my heart's deepest cry was answered. I came home. I'd heard that phrase but had no idea what it really meant until I experienced it personally. I knocked on the door, my Father answered, the Holy Spirit ushered me in, and I was seated at His banquet table and served the meal of my life! I was allowed to partake of the Bread of Life and drink the Living Water and, as Jesus promised, I thirst no more! My love for Him has grown in ways I didn't know it was lacking. I love him passionately! From the first moment His precious Body touched my lips something shifted fundamentally inside me. I felt completely aligned, if that makes any sense. It's hard to describe an internal change in words someone who hasn't experienced it will understand. To see me from the outside, no one would ever have guessed that something was missing in my spirit, but it was. And now it isn't. And I am left at times breathless and frequently overflowing with emotion at the "rightness" of being home at last.

This past year has been one of great personal and family growth. Our children have taken to the Faith like ducks to water. To hear them talk or observe the natural way our faith permeates their lives, you'd never know they haven't been raised Catholic. They look forward, as do I, to the times we get to spend adoring Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Being told they might have to miss daily Mass is a powerful motivator for laziness in our home! A couple of them become emotional to the point of tears after receiving the priceless gift of Jesus' Body in the Eucharist, or when talking about Jesus' suffering and dying for us. Their reverence and passion for our Lord has grown explosively since we entered His Church. And the funny thing is that we don't spend a lot of regular time catechizing them (like we should!), they just recognize the truth through childlike eyes and have completely embraced it. I could spend days going over all the scriptural and historical evidence for the authenticity of the Roman Catholic Church, but it's the dramatic internal changes we each have experienced that have made this so personal.

One of my biggest hang-ups about entering the Church was what it would cost me socially. Looking back I feel ridiculously superficial to admit it was a serious problem for me, but it was. (Time to get emotionally naked...)I enjoy being looked up to. I loved teaching Bible studies and seeing the proverbial light bulb go on in women's eyes. I loved all the words of affirmation and encouragement that were poured out over me. I loved getting verbal "warm fuzzies" about my spiritual giftings , Bible knowledge, prayer life, wisdom, and spiritual maturity. And I received each comment as confirmation from God that I was in His Will and doing what He's made me to do. But a part of me (much bigger than I would have ever admitted, even to myself!) thrived on the words. I was very good at verbally deflecting all accolades and pointing to God as the real source, but more than I realized, my inner pride monster was being regularly fed. And fed well. I thrived on women I looked up to telling me they were inspired by my life, or by something I'd said or done. The thought that those same women might question my previous ministry, or even my salvation, nearly paralyzed me. What if I lost some of the friendships I'd come to treasure? What if people got angry and forced an ugly confrontation? What if I lost the respect of those I deeply admired? What if my extended family acts weird and uncomfortable around me? What if people openly question my salvation? What will my peers in women's ministry say about me behind closed doors? How do I just walk away from everything I've avowed for years? From everything I've worked so hard for? The fear of being demoted to the status of "spiritual baby" within Catholic circles made me drag my feet even more. I knew what I knew because I'd studied God's Word diligently for years! I wasn't spiritually immature and I didn't want anyone thinking differently! I wasn't seriously considering jumping the Tiber out of ignorance of God's Word or a lack of real relationship with the Lord. Rather, God's Word and my relationship with Him steadily led me to the river bank. The more I read about what the early Church believed and practiced, the more I read key Protestant proof texts in context, the more I read the personal writings of the original reformer, the more I surrendered my comfort zone and layed it all on the line for His glory, the more clearly the lines were drawn. I reached a point where in order to maintain intellectual and spiritual integrity, I needed to jump. To do less would require lying to myself and selling-out for my own comfort and glory.

So I jumped. The minute my feet hit the ground on the other side of the Tiber I knew I'd come home. Home to a place I didn't know I was missing, but clearly the place of my heart's longings. In the blessed waters of Baptism all of the "what ifs" and their accompanying fears were washed away. In the sacrament of Confirmation I pledged my life to Him again and received his seal. In the Eucharist I fell into my Savior's arms and heard His heartbeat as I laid my head on His chest. Our marriage is now sacramental, and as silly as it sounds to assert that that makes any difference, it does. We've been taken to a whole new level together. Our "oneness" is complete in ways we couldn't have understood before receiving this blessing. It hasn't all been rosy. I've had to deal with rude comments made to me or our children about our "obvious confusion". I've faced awkward conversations and stilted greetings. I've dialogued with loved ones who feel personally affronted by our decision. And we have a few friends we probably won't have much contact with ever again. But what a small price to pay in order to embrace what He paid everything to give me.

So we enter our second year in Christ's Church. I'm no longer afraid of the potential confrontations. They provide opportunities for me to practice dying-to-myself, and also let me know who I need to pray for. My ministry efforts are focused homeward now, where they need to be in this season of our lives. I know my days of ministering to God's women are by no means over, and as much as I do miss it, my place is at home right now. As a family, we look forward to what the Lord has in store for us as we follow Him day by day. And with grateful hearts we thank Him for His love and His Presence.

Rome Pilgrimage, Part II

2008-03-11T22:57:00.001-07:00

(At a grotto in the Vatican Gardens - Miss Abigail was in a bit of a snit)

As pilgrimage gifts we all received red sweatshirts that say "cool to be catholic" on the front. On the back is a big "1" surrounded by "one bread "one body", "one holy, catholic, apostolic", "one flock", "one shepherd". And at the bottom it says "so that they may be one, as we are one." - Jesus (John 17:22) These were a very cool gift! Abby and Anna's ended up being misplaced on the bus before I even saw them, so they didn't get their's until we got home. Hence, they look like misfits in all the pictures.

(The altar from Lourdes)

One of the paths that wends its way around the basilica grounds ends at a Marian grotto. It was build as a memorial to Lourdes and has the most beautiful, vibrant flowers planted around it. Inside the grotto is the original altar from Lourdes, which we thought was pretty cool. Lourdes is also on our list of places to visit before leaving Europe; and having part of our extended family relocating to halfway between here and there will be very convenient towards that end. ;)
Very few people were walking the back paths, so our walk had a private, secluded feel to it. A spirit of peace and 'rightness' permeated Vatican City. Despite the constant crush and chaos of people from literally all over the world, the Holy Spirit's presence was tangible. Not in an "Oooooohhh....I'm covered in God-bumps!" sort of way, but in a very real, very peaceful *knowing*, for lack of a better word. It's hard to articulate. It wasn't at all an emotionally hyped-up experience, but God's presence was powerful. I could almost hear Jesus saying "Let him who has ears, hear." Or let him who has eyes, see. So many people walking the halls, climbing the stairs, buying trinkets, and taking pictures. So many souls. How many of them know Him? Do they hear Him whispering in their ear that He loves them? That He left this Church to guide us to Him through His Holy Spirit? Do they hear? Or are their ears stopped up with what they think they know, filling them with fear or pride that prevents them from receiving everything He longs to give them? Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

(The cupola of St. Peter's from the path leading to the Marian grotto)

On our second day, as we were walking to a pizza stand for lunch, Andrew mentioned that just being there made him feel 'religious'. Not the empty-ritual 'religious', but a very real, everything's focused on God kind of 'religious'. I 'got' that! He walked into Vatican City a teenager struggling with wanting to compartmentalize some his Christianity, and left 3 days later a young man openly proud of the spiritual heritage he's been grafted into. Isn't that the prayer of every mother's heart?

(Andrew and Josh at the Holy Door outside the Basilica of St. Mary Major)

We were able to visit all four of the basilicas in Rome and celebrated Mass in St. Mary Major. Josh and Michael were alter servers, while I served as a Lector. I love reading God's Word and I love the Mass, so the two together are a great combination for me! My favorite way to serve, though, is an a Eucharistic Minister. Nothing compares with literally sharing our risen Lord with others. Often, when I'm waiting beside the altar to begin distributing, the reality of Christ's presence is so strong I physically struggle to remain upright. I've never experienced anything like it and the first time I served it left me feeling both shell-shocked and elated. Without exception, when I stand near the altar during the Consecration my body seems to have a mind of its own and I feel an almost overwhelming urge to prostrate myself. A conscious choice to maintain social decorum is the only thing that keeps me upright; although I do admit to daydreaming about being in a setting in which I'm free to worship with complete abandon.

While we were at St. Mary Major we went upstairs to visit Cardinal Law, who lives in an apartment in the basilica. The Pope had called all the local Cardinals into a silent Lenten retreat, so he wasn't able to meet with us, but he left instructions for his adorable little Mexican housekeeping nun to invite us in and serve us coffee. Fr. Mitch was flabbergasted, since he's been friends with Cardinal Law for years and has never been invited into the Cardinal's home before. We were served coffee and snacks and had fun checking out his library and music collection. Out of respect for his privacy I won't post any pictures from his home, but it was very nice. I was so inspired by the little nun. She must have only been in her late twenties or early thirties, but I've never seen such love shine from anyone's eyes like it did from hers. She exuded a joy that absolutely filled up the room. She served each one of us like it was her greatest pleasure to meet our needs and make us comfortable. I was so convicted of my own selfishness. Do I ever make anyone feel as genuinely loved as she did us?

(Papal portraits in the Basilica of St. Paul Outside the Wall)

We were able to make confessions at St. Paul Outside the Wall. (So named because it was built just outside the original city walls.) The multi-lingual priests that were hearing confessions were wonderful! Everyone left with a lighter spring in their step. This basilica is lined with portraits of each on of the Popes since St. Peter, which I found fascinating. The portrait of Pope Benedict XVI has a spotlight on it, which saved us hours of hunting for him. It really is astounding to stand in the middle of this huge basilica and see face after face of the men who have been charged with leading Christ's flock for the last 2000+ years. Of course, the earliest portraits are merely artists renderings, since actual likenesses weren't made until much later; that didn't diminish the power of personally seeing the line of succession from St. Peter to the present. Having read about the bad Popes and the anti-Popes and seeing some of their faces up there, really brought home for me the reality of Christ's promise to protect His Church against the gates of Hell. God has so faithfully guarded the integrity of the dogmas of the Church despite the best efforts of some wicked men sitting in Peter's chair over the years. No religion would stand a chance of surviving the attacks, both from within and without, that the Roman Church has if Jesus Christ himself wasn't its ultimate Head. How humbling to be called to be a part of this!

(The Holy Steps)
Across the street from the Basilica of St. Peter in Chains are the Holy Steps. Tradition holds that St. Helena, the mother of Constantine, went on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land and brought back, among other things, the steps that Jesus is believed to have climbed on his way to and from both meetings with Pilot before his crucifixion. Since being set up in Rome, pilgrims have been climbing the set of 28 stairs on their knees while praying a specific prayer on each step. It's a painful and humbling thing to do. The steps are so deep that they require you to literally crawl on your hands and knees up to the next step. The prayers consist of asking Jesus to help us better understand how much he suffered for us. The greater our understanding of His suffering, the deeper our love for him will grow, which, in turn, leads to a greater desire to pursue personal holiness and eschew sin. The prayers are prayed silently, and just watching others work their way up the stairs can be very moving.

(Pope Benedict - giving the Sunday Papal blessing)
Never in a million years did I imagine I would one day stand in St. Peter's Square and receive a Papal blessing from the Pope. Never in a million years would I have imagined I would have wanted to! But God's plans for us are so much bigger and better than any we have for ourselves. I have come to the conclusion that this amazing man has one of the greatest theological minds ever. His deep understanding of scripture and theology is on par with that of Saints Jerome and Thomas Aquinas. It was an exciting thing to be standing beneath his apartment window and see his smiling face appear. The Vicar of Christ personally acknowledged those of us on pilgrimage from our specific military base! And He prayed for God's blessings to be on us as we continue in our faith journey. After greeting different groups in 5 different languages he prayed for and blessed all of us, then those that could prayed together in Latin to conclude our time with him. Walking across the square, I was struck by the universality of Christ's Church. Knowing there are fellow believers all over the world and actually standing shoulder to shoulder with them are two different things. Seeing so many nations represented and hearing everyone's voices raised together in prayer was awe inspiring. And fun! As we left the square for lunch we walked past a group of people playing guitars and tambourines and singing and swaying as they praised God and I wanted to run over and join them! Such a feeling of unity and singleness of purpose permeated the air, and I know God was smiling. So were we.

Rome Pilgrimage, Part 1

2008-03-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

This is several weeks overdue. I've had a hard time finding a block of time in which to process my thoughts and experiences and turn them into something someone else might be able to make sense of. I finally decided it really doesn't matter whether or not anyone else 'gets it'. It was deeply person and very real, and I just need to get it written down.

We arrived in Rome early Friday morning, so we were able to spend most of the day exploring Vatican City. Our hotel was only a 20 minute walk from St. Peter's Basilica, which was very convenient since we spent most of our time in Vatican City. One of the first things the girls noticed about Rome was the nuns. Old nuns, young nuns, walking down the blocks. Short nuns, tall nuns, even nuns with chicken pox eat hot dogs...Armor hot dogs... 8-) We made a game out of looking for the different habit colors. Nuns aren't relegated to just black and white anymore, that's for sure! We learned there's a lot more variety in Priest's and Monk's robes than we'd thought, too.

We toured the Vatican Museum, which I could have spent an entire day meandering through. So much history of Christianity from all cultures in one building! It was amazing. The Sistine Chapel was breathtaking! It boggles the mind to stand before (or beneath) Michelangelo's masterpieces and realize how unbelievably talented he was. The scope of his gifts is hard to comprehend. I can't draw a straight line to save my life and this man turned flat surfaces and huge pieces of rock into beauty that sings praises to our Creator. The Pieta moved me deeply. The look of heartbroken tenderness on Mary's face as she lovingly held the broken body of her son brought stillness into my soul. I don't know how else to describe it. A piece of rock made me cry.

St. Peter's Basilica is huge. The first day we were there we were able to walk through the tombs in the basement. We walked past one after the other, some very plain, others a little more ornate. Several people were kneeling and quietly praying at the tomb of Pope John Paul II.

The thing that really got the kids' attention, though, were the incorruptibles in the Basilica; especially Pope John XXIII. What an amazing phenomenon, and one only found in the Church.

(Outside St. Peter's Basilica on our way to early morning Mass)

We woke early Saturday morning, ate, and hurried to St. Peter's where we'd reserved a small chapel near St. Peter's tomb in which to celebrate Mass. We hurried through the nearly deserted square and into the Basilica. The kids and I were excited about getting to celebrate Mass where St. Peter was martyred and buried, and the sleepy hush over the square was perfectly fitting.

As we walked through the Basilica I noticed several priests in their Lenten vestments on their knees before the various altars. What a beautiful thing to see all these men of God humbly seeking His face in preparation for celebrating His Holy Mass. Because our priest is well-known in Vatican City, the rules were bent for us and we were allowed to go into the Sacristy where the priests are assisted in vesting for Mass. After Father Mitch was ready, he led the way to a gate leading into the catacombs beneath the Basilica. As we walked down the ancient stone stairs the sounds of prayers and singing in different languages softly floated up to us, and for a moment I thought of how beautiful it must be to the Lord to hear his children praising him in every language on earth. Sigh.

(Fr. Mitch celebrating Mass in St. Peter's)

I was asked to assist with Mass by distributing the Blood of Christ, and words can't adequately express the feelings of humility and gratitude that coursed through me at the thought of this holy sacrifice being celebrated at such a holy site.

(St. Peter's Tomb)

After Mass we walked a few feet down the corridor and passed St. Peter's Tomb. Such a tiny place for such a great man. (Being the rebel I am, I hurried back around the circular corridor to sneak a picture. Most people never get to see it, and I didn't want to forget. A very small family was just beginning to celebrate Mass right there in the tomb, and they had no idea I was lurking. 8-) )

(Which one is the cherub?)
Fortunately we had lots of light, silly moments to balance out the intense spirituality of Vatican City. And Katie's always willing to be a ham.

(Andrew walking outside the walls of Vatican City)

We walked along these walls so many times I think I could do it blindfolded! The wall just seems to go on and on and on and on and on....... Needless to say we all crashed at the end of each day!

No offense intended

2008-01-01T02:18:00.000-08:00

Apparently I have unintentionally offended my dear Father-in-law. He's a wonderful man and I love him deeply. I would never set out to hurt or embarrass him, but it seems that I have. Matt's parents accessed our blog for the first time yesterday and Dad told Matt that I'm now on his "list" because I identified myself as "a Roman Catholic Army wife". He doesn't understand why I didn't just call myself a Christian and leave it at that; and he felt that I put that description on there to "rub it in his face". "It", of course, being our recent conversion to the authentic, historic Christianity preserved in the Catholic church. I was more than a little surprised that those two words were the sole source of his displeasure with me, given that I've tried to so hard to be sensitive to our mostly Protestant blog readers, ergo this separate blog.

On Christmas Dad called and told us he'd "come to terms" with our being Catholic. His Baptist theology gives him the assurance that Matt and I and our older kids who've previously made a Profession of Faith (read: been "born again") are safe because nothing we can do could ever cause us to lose our salvation. We've never fully bought into the once-saved-always-saved theology of our Baptist family members, but I'm thankful that it's provided a demilitarized zone for us. I'm guessing that Dad was hoping if he didn't argue with us over this and instead offered to "let it go" that our Catholicism might someday, quietly go away. My public declaration of our alignment with Rome must have shot that hope out of the water, so he's unhappy with me.

I don't enjoy conflict and usually avoid it like the plague. Honestly, if conflict is "here" I'm running full speed ahead to get as close to "there" as possible before it hits. One of the big things I struggled with in our conversion was the potential for mass relational casualties due to ugly religious conflicts. But something fundamentally shifted in me when I received my First Communion. I'm no longer afraid of people. I'm no longer concerned about who will or won't understand or who will choose to remain our friends. To Catholics this kind of division over religion doesn't make a lot of sense and often sounds ridiculous, but in the Protestant camp it's very, very real. When the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord Jesus entered my body He healed me of the fear that had guided most of my adult life. The fear of people not liking me. The fear of people I love thinking I've lost my mind. (How pathetically self-focused!) The first time I heard the prayer "Lord, I am not worthy to receive You, but only say the word and I SHALL be healed." I knew in my heart that Jesus would completely set me free. But I anticipated a slow, gradual freedom, not this surprising about-face that has completely unshackled me! Pleasing my Lord is the only thing that truly matters to me anymore. That single goal is what drives me to be the best wife and mother I can be. To love and encourage and support my husband with everything that I am. To love and nurture and form each one of our children and prepare them to live lives in obedience to His will. To love those He places in my path, encouraging the tired and overwhelmed, blessing those in need, exhorting as His Spirit leads. When Christ physically entered me my eyes suddenly turned outward. I'd had no idea how inward I was focused until then.

So if others are offended or embarrassed by my proud declaration that I'm a Roman Catholic, I make no apologies. I can not and will not deny my Lord and what He's done for me! I have already come to know Him more intimately and tangibly in His Church than I ever imagined was possible this side of Heaven.

"Whoever confesses me before others I will confess before my Father in Heaven. But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father." Mt. 10:32-33

When your doorbell rings...

2007-12-29T10:23:00.000-08:00

(I stumbled across this looking for something else online. This is the best quick run-down I've ever seen. The guy who wrote it suggested printing this up in a brochure format so it's ready to hand out as needed. I thought of you, M, and your preparation for the coming onslaught of questions following your Tiber crossing. Hope this helps.

Thank You…

Thank you so much for your concern for my soul. I deeply appreciate it, however with all due respect and all charity, the fact is that in spite of your misunderstanding, we Catholics are Christians, and part of the same Christianity that the early Apostles practiced. Our faith is the same one that began with Our Lord Jesus Christ and has endured for 2,000 years.

We Catholics believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God; that God is a Trinity that consists of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and that we are saved by a personal relationship with the risen Lord Jesus Christ. We are “born again” and we do our best to live out that relationship by producing fruit worthy of repentance. None of us are perfect; we’re still all too human , but we confess our sins to God in obedience to the scriptures and make a moment-by-moment effort to be the best Christians that we can.

There are differences between us…They are the result of a division that occurred about 500 years ago called the Reformation. Prior to that we were all Catholics, a name which is Greek for universal and was used for all Christian churches and can be verified by the letter of Ignatius, the Bishop of the church of Antioch that he wrote to the church at Smyrna in about 107 AD. (Remember Antioch, the church in Acts 11:26 where we were first called Christians to begin with?) This name stuck in order to differentiate between the church of Christ and other heretical groups such as the Gnostics.

The difference between us is simple and fundamental. The core of the differences are the Protestant doctrines called “Sola Scriptura” (meaning Scripture Alone) and “Sola Fide” (Faith Alone). The first has to do with the verifiable fact that the early Christians relied on verbal tradition until the 4th century when the Council of Carthage settled the matter of the canon of the Bible with the 73 books that consist of the 46 books of the Alexandrian text of the Old Testament (also known as the Septuagint,) which was in Greek (not Hebrew) and the 27 books of the New Testament. As a result, the Apostles encouraged the early church to hold fast to the traditions that had been taught to them either by word or letter. Keep in mind that the last verse of Saint John’s Gospel says that not all that Jesus said and did is written down and that the entire world could not contain all the books if they were. Sacred Tradition helps us properly interpret the Word of God. It is not the “traditions of men” that Jesus condemned, since it in no way sets aside the laws of God, but along with the Bible confirms what they mean and helps to guide us into right doctrine.

2nd Thessalonians 2 :14 “Therefore, brethren, stand fast; and hold the traditions which you have learned, whether by word, or by our epistle.”

2nd Thessalonians 3 :6 “And we charge you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw yourselves from every brother walking disorderly, and not according to the tradition which they have received of us.”

The other is the doctrine that we are saved by “faith alone” and that our works have no merit before God. The fact is that a breakaway priest named Martin Luther developed both doctrines on his own authority, ignoring the fact that no one in the 1500 years of Christian history had believed any such things. In fact Luther had the audacity to add the word "alone" to Romans 3:28 in his German translation of the Bible so that it said that we are saved by faith alone, knowing full well that the Greek text does not say that at all. In fact, the only place where the words “faith” and “alone” are used together is in James 2:24 where it says, “You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone.” He also removed 7 books from the canon of the Old Testament and 4 from the New, including Jude, 2nd Peter, James, and Revelation. Most of the confusion between Catholics and other Christian churches is “trickle-down effect” of these doctrines.

This is just a brief overview, but rest assured that if you are willing to do some research into authentic Catholic writings like the Catechism of the Catholic Church you will find that there are very good reasons for what we believe and practice. You can also check out authentic Catholic teachings online at Catholic.com and Vatican.va (The official Vatican Website!). For the truth about the Catholic faith, ask us, we have nothing that we want to hide. We do not attempt to proselytize people though we will readily dialog with anyone and try to answer any questions they may have concerning Catholicism. Our focus is on insuring that everyone hears the Gospel.

The harvest is indeed plentiful, so let’s be about Our Father’s business.

Hmmmm...

2007-12-26T05:21:00.000-08:00

Our priest shared something I found interesting during his Christmas homily; he said that the name Bethlehem means city of bread. Jesus, the Bread of Life, was born in the city of bread. I wonder if people connected any of the dots while He was still walking on Earth. My crazy mind finds little things like this interesting. The use of names and their layers of meaning in the Bible. The Old Testament types and foreshadows fulfilled in the New Testament. Father mentioned the tree in the Garden of Eden and the tree used to make the manger, which leads to the tree used to make His cross. I just love seeing all the ways God points towards what He's going to do from the very beginning. Eve's disobedience brought us under the curse of sin and death, while Mary, the New Eve, through her obedience brings us Jesus to free us from that curse. The tree in the Garden grew fruit that would give the knowledge of good and evil. Knowledge Eve was willing to die for. By contrast the tree on Calvary held the embodiment of all knowledge. The fruit of the first tree brought death; the death of the second tree brought life. Looking at, smelling, or touching the fruit isn't what brought sin into the world; eating it was. Jesus says we must eat His flesh in order to have eternal life. Hmmm....both death and life entered the world on a tree, and to receive either requires the consuming of the fruit of that tree. Coincidence? Am I reading too much into this? Tell me what you think.

Sacrament of Reconciliation

2007-12-25T12:51:00.001-08:00

Catholic confession has been made into a caricature and for most of my life I bought into the misconception. On Christmas Eve God, in His matchless mercy, blew my lingering false notions out of the box. The day before, our sweet little 9 year old told me he wanted to make his First Confession before Mass because he had "sins on his soul". How much sin can a 9 year old have, really? But, bless his heart, it was important to him that he make his confession before receiving the Eucharist. We hadn't had a chance to carefully go over an examination of conscience or the mechanics of confession because it was so spur-of-the-minute, but he wasn't about to be deterred. He walked into the Blessed Sacrament chapel and closed the door behind him while I sat and prayed for him, then the door opened and another little boy walked out. He looked an awful lot like our son and was even wearing his clothes, but there was something very different about him. His eyes met mine and never wavered as he walked over to me wearing the sweetest smile I've ever seen. His eyes were swimming as he stopped and smiled at me, then threw his arms around me and just held on tightly. He pulled back and smiled into my eyes again before hugging me once more and kneeling to pray. He seemed to float for the rest of the day and kept telling us how good he felt inside. It was beautiful.
Monday Father was going to hear confessions before the Christmas Vigil Mass, so we made sure we were there early enough to make our confessions before the crowds arrived. Matt and I were going to be serving as Eucharistic Ministers and it was important to us that we'd each made a good confession before Mass. This would be my First Confession since I was just baptized in October and I wasn't really sure what to expect. I knew it wouldn't take me long. I'd only had two months worth of "garbage" to sift through and nothing mortal that needed addressing. I don't do drugs. Ever. I don't get drunk. Ever. I don't cheat on my husband, or even think about it. Ever. I don't swear. Ever. I don't steal or lie or wish people dead. Ever. (There are many people I've wished would move far, far away...but I never wish them dead.) The sins I wanted to confess probably seem pretty trivial to some people, but they're areas of weakness that I continually fall in and I need more of God's grace to avoid the temptations to sin. But I digress...I entered the room and knelt at the screen and told Father that this was my First Confession so I'd need him to help walk me through it. As I made my confession, even though my list of sins would probably seem trivial to others, I was overcome by a sense of sorrow that I wasn't anticipating. For the first time in my life I truly felt heartbroken by the realization that I'd let my God down. I've felt disappointed and frustrated by my own weakness, but not heartbroken about what it does to God. As I wiped my eyes and quietly knelt there Father softly chuckled and said "You long to live in a perfect world, don't you?" What?!? This is his response to my transparency and heartbreak?? "Yes, Father, I do!" I responded. To which he said, with another slight chuckle, "My child, I'm afraid you're going to have to wait until Jesus comes again." My priest laughed at me! He heard my first confession and he laughed at me!! But this is how God works with me. He allows circumstances to be less than ideal so there's no room for me to question whether or not I emotionally manipulated an experience. When the Holy Spirit spoke through Father and said "Your sins are forgiven. Go in peace." I felt a release in my spirit. I can't explain it, but I felt it. And it left me feeling like I was floating. My capacity to love seemed somehow expanded and I wanted to dance before Jesus. I wanted everyone I saw to know how deeply Christ loves them. It was wonderful!
I've prayed and sought Christ's forgiveness for my sins on a fairly regular basis throughout my adult life but I'd never before *felt* truly forgiven, even though my head told me I was. The Sacrament of Reconciliation truly is a gift from God and one of the ways Christ comes to personally interact with us. It was the best Christmas gift of all!

The Liturgical Calendar

2007-12-25T12:21:00.000-08:00

I was asked how the Liturgical calendar has played into our celebrations of Advent and Christmas and I have to admit, rather sheepishly, that it didn't this year. Having not come from a liturgical church background I'm still not up to speed on the Liturgical calendar and it's symbolic colors and dates. I do notice the changing vestment and banner colors and I'm aware that the white for Christmas symbolizes newness; but understanding the calendar and teaching it to our children is something I'm just now beginning to do. We successfully followed through with our Advent wreath, for the first year ever, and I plan on working on Jesse Tree ornaments to help deepen our understanding of Advent next year. But even without fully grasping all the liturgical symbolism, this was by far our most peaceful Christmas as a family.
The celebration of the birth of our Lord has always been deeply meaningful to us, but there was an extra layer of meaning this year as we celebrated our first Christmas in the Church. After Mass on Sunday our youngest kids realized we could celebrate Mass on Monday and Tuesday as well, and started clamoring for "3 days of Mass in a row". (Sidebar: we've attended church as a family every week since our kids were born. Depending on the children's program at our "home" church in each town, the kids displayed varying degrees of enthusiasm about attending each Sunday, as is true with most kids. But since we first began attending Mass almost exactly one year ago, their enthusiasm has only grown. They're becoming little Catholic Mass freaks! If one of the younger kids isn't acting out part of the Mass, one of the others is singing or humming one of the liturgical songs. It's great!)
Matt and I have both been trained as Eucharistic Ministers and were asked to assist Father during the Christmas Vigil Mass. Nothing could have prepared us for the tangible presence of Christ up at the altar after the Consecration. The best way I can describe it is to say that it felt like my soul was trembling. I wanted to lie prostrate and just worship Him. To hold the chalice and pronounce "The Body of Christ!" to each fellow believer, offering them the cup of Christ's Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity was humbling in the extreme. The sense of grave responsibility as my hands wrapped around the chalice, and the spiritual connecting of souls as each person looked in my eyes and agreed "Amen" before receiving His precious blood. Yes, this Christmas was so much more meaningful for us.

Home At Last!

2007-12-18T02:31:00.000-08:00

Almost three years ago my wonderful husband and I inadvertently began our journey into the Roman Catholic church. Had we known at that time where this path would lead we would have turned around and run in the opposite direction. But our loving Father, aware of our ignorance of and biases towards His church, allowed us to continue on for some time blissfully thinking we were gaining information with which to help our "confused" Catholic friends discover the truth and freedom of Protestantism. I will never stop praising Him for leading us so slowly and gently. We now understand what so many others before us meant when they said they've "come home". What follows is the letter we sent to our family and friends briefly synopsizing our journey in the Lord Jesus Christ's Church.

Dear Family and Friends,

Deb and I are writing this letter to let everyone know of a momentous decision that we have made. We have decided to join the Catholic Church. We understand that this will be difficult for many of you to accept, much less understand. This decision, though, has not been made hastily, nor without the potential ramifications prayerfully considered.
As most of you know, Debbie and I had been convinced for several years that the Bible was very clear in its teachings about artificial birth control. About 2-½ years ago we read a book by a former Protestant pastor detailing his journey into the Roman Catholic Church. We were shocked to find that the Catholic Church was the only Christian denomination that has firmly held to what we had seen as a very clear Biblical mandate. Any denomination that has existed as long as the Catholic Church has is bound to end up being right about at least one doctrine, so our agreement with this particular doctrine didn’t send the slightest tremor through our solidly-built Protestant foundation. We began researching the teachings and beliefs of the Catholic Church from Vatican approved sources in an attempt to discover where this highly intelligent, yet clearly confused, pastor misstepped. There is a plethora of “authoritative” teaching on Catholic doctrine in most book stores, but the only way to know what the church really teaches is to read what she writes to her own followers. To our shock and dismay though, we found that Catholic doctrine lines up perfectly with scripture and looks nothing like what we thought it did. Our understanding of what the Catholic Church teaches had been based on nothing but misconceptions and misunderstandings. Debbie has always been anti-Catholic and jumped in with both feet to prove the inaccuracies in the Catholic teachings. As we read and studied we looked up countless Protestant arguments for the various Catholic claims, and time and again the arguments fell flat in the face mounds of clear historical and Biblical evidence. We both had to admit that we had been operating under many misconceptions and in all fairness should give the Catholic Church a more honest look. Even considering such an idea sent tremors through what we considered our “immovable Protestant foundation“. We have since spoken with life-long Catholics, former Protestant Catholics and former Catholic Protestants. We’ve read countless books written by both Protestants and Catholics, dug deeply into the Bible and spent hours in prayer.
After several months of taking this approach we realized we were trying to understand what the first Christians believed by seeking out the opinions of people, rather than going straight to the sources themselves. We discovered an amazingly rich treasure trove of Christian faith in the writings of the Early Church Fathers, those followers and contemporaries of Christ’s Apostles, and our foundation really began to shake. In reading the writings of the early Christian leaders we saw clearly that their beliefs and practices were very different from ours on many crucial points of doctrine. We were stunned by how “Catholic” the Early Fathers were. Our reading of Church history had always begun at the Reformation. It had never dawned on us that we were neglecting the first 1500 years of history. Why is it that we seldom, if ever, delve past the mid 16th century when studying church history? Everything in our historical, religious education began at the time of Luther and focused on the undeniably heinous abuses being practiced by many of the Catholic bishops at that time. We were very familiar with the Pope’s un-Christian response to Luther’s Thesis and the ensuing chaos that resulted from Luther’s unwillingness to recant his position. There is no doubt that reform needed to take place within the church; over the years many evil men had held positions of leadership for no other reason than to garner personal power and wealth. Luther certainly had every reason to be outraged at what he witnessed, as do we all. But, to our surprise, we discovered that there were many godly leaders within the church, who were equally outraged by the many abuses and were actively working, through much prayer and networking to bring about the necessary reform. God was not separated from this church we’d never understood. The writings of Clement, Ignatius, Justin Martyr, Iraneus, and others shone a light on the continuity of doctrinal fidelity from the time of Christ to the present within the Catholic church. Despite the best efforts of several bad, even evil, priests, bishops, and popes the core doctrines of the church had remained untouched for nearly two thousand years. We couldn’t dismiss that as coincidence. In Matthew Jesus promised to preserve His church and said that “the gates of Hell will not prevail against it.“ God’s supernatural protection had clearly been at work preserving the doctrines of this church. When we traveled back to the second through seventh centuries our “solid” foundation split wide open and Deb and I both knew we were heading to Rome.

Throughout our studying we saw, for the first time, that the cornerstone of every religion or denomination is authority. We’d always claimed and wholeheartedly believed that the Bible alone was our sole authority; but as much as we tenaciously clung to that essential Evangelical Protestant belief, we had already seen its problems. That the Bible is an inerrant, inspired, authoritative source of communication from God to us is without question. The problems we’d seen were in the interpretation of that Holy communication. Being in the military has afforded us opportunities to see and experience so much more than we otherwise would have been able to. We have spent time worshiping with and inquiring about countless different Protestant denominations and saw first-hand how sadly unfulfilled is Christ’s Gethsemane prayer for the unity of His believers. We routinely dismissed the seriousness of the disunity reflected in the tens of thousands of Christian denominations by stating that the body of believers is diverse and requires diversity in worship to meet the various needs. We insisted that the only thing that really matters is a belief in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ and it’s efficacy in our regeneration. Beyond that, everything from styles of worship to practicing the gifts of the Holy Spirit are merely window dressing. Minor points that shouldn’t be majored on at the expense of disrupting our unity. But we weren’t able to reconcile the instructions from Paul (in Romans , I Corinthians, and Philippians) for believers to be of “one mind” with all the divisions. In His Gethsemane prayer Jesus repeatedly prays for our total unity. Not just unity in purpose, but complete oneness as He and the Father are one. Over the years we’d both became increasingly uncomfortable with the practice of finding a church. Moving to a new town required weeks of spiritual reconnaissance as we visited church after church and read each one’s Statement of Faith. We checked out what ministry programs they offered, what the worship music was like, and most importantly we scrutinized the preacher’s messages to see if his interpretation of scripture was in agreement with our own. The latter was done without any conscious pride or arrogance, but that was our bottom line. Does this preacher’s and church’s theology line up with our own? If so, we rejoiced that “the Lord had led us to our new home church”; if not, we continued our search. We didn’t realize how all about “us” it had become. Programs that fit our family, religious curriculums we agreed with, music we liked, a blend of people we were comfortable with, a preacher who interpreted the Word the way we did. Heaven help our Baptist preacher in Texas if he stood up one week and announced that he’d received the baptism of the Holy Spirit and had been graced with the gift of tongues! Or our Pentecostal preacher in New York if he announced that after fasting and prayerful study of scripture he’d determined that the gifts of tongues, prophecy, and healing were no longer valid gifts in the church, but were only intended for the First Century growth of the church! If our pastor was to preach something we felt ran contrary to our personal interpretation of scripture and the congregation as a whole didn’t ask him to resign, we would have left that church to seek one that wasn’t afraid to speak the “truth”. The truth according to Matt and Debbie Rose, though. We found the fact that two spiritually mature, discerning Christians could prayerfully come to two different conclusions about specific points of scripture disconcerting. If my Lutheran friend believes in the supernatural regenerative powers of the waters of baptism absolutely necessary for salvation, and my non-denominational friend believes that baptism is merely an outward sign of an inward change and not a necessary act , who’s right? We couldn’t dismiss this as one of the “minor” points that divide denominations; this is a salvation issue. So who’s right? Book stores are full of books written by the most brilliant theological minds in history, some of them espousing very divergent theologies. Again, who’s right? Does it matter? Our perfect, loving Father was very specific in His instructions to Israel about how He wanted to be worshipped. He chose the day, the location, the order of the sacrifices and prayers and the situations in which to offer each one, even the clothes His ministers were to wear. He obviously knows how He wants to be approached, but we’d found ourselves approaching Him in the way that felt the most comfortable to us, assuming that all that mattered was that we came. We discovered that several of our basic beliefs were less than 600 years old! Imagine how shocked we were to realized that for the first 1400 years of Christianity certain of our key beliefs were not accepted by the followers of Christ. Some even unabashedly shot down as heresy by the Early Fathers.
As we went back to the writings of those first Christians and read again what was professed in the earliest faith statements, we began to work our way forward and found a continuity of teaching and beliefs that clearly connected early church to that of Rome. It was almost like connecting the dots in a puzzle. We were amazed to see that over a nearly 2000 year span of time not a single “doctrine” of the Church had been changed or omitted, regardless of the occasional less-than-stellar intents of those in leadership. Each and every doctrine has been more fully developed, and at times clarified as needed, as the Church has matured; but not one has been altered. Considering the degree and variety of doctrinal changes that have marked Protestantism these past 500 years, that’s astounding! We could find no other explanation than divine intervention . The fulfillment of Christ’s promise to preserve His Church.
We come to the end of this part of our journey convinced that the Roman Catholic Church is what Jesus set up. We believe that the Gospel of Matthew clearly shows that Jesus placed Peter in a position of leadership over all of the other Apostles and the Church as a whole. In time Peter became known as the Bishop of Rome and his successors have continued in that Christ given authority, as is well documented in the writings of the Early Church Fathers. We have come to believe that this Christ given authority has been passed down through the last 2000 years and currently resides in the person of Joseph Ratzinger, Pope Benedict XVI. This authority gives the Catholic church a stability and order that has enabled it to stay true to the doctrines that Christ put forth two millenniums ago.
The doctrine that has been the most troubling, frightening, and ultimately most satisfying and fulfilling is that of Transubstantiation, the physical presence of Christ in the Eucharist. In the Gospel of John, chapter 6, Jesus is exceptionally clear as he introduces the disciples to this crucial teaching. The writings of the Early Fathers as far back as the first century AD testify to this belief being paramount to early Christian theology. When we opted to take Jesus’ words at face value, suddenly Paul’s strong admonition to the church in 1 Corinthians 11 made perfect sense. How could we sin against the body and blood of our Lord, and eat and drink judgment on ourselves unless Jesus meant exactly what He said in John 6. Deb and I have come to understand that this directive is fulfilled through the miraculous transformation of the bread and wine into the physical body and blood of Christ. The beauty of this teaching has drawn us like no other; and the reality has fundamentally transformed our family.
We understand that this change in our lives will seem completely out-of-the-blue for most of you. This has been a long, 2-½ year journey for us, but one we felt we needed to take slowly and completely on our own with the Lord. We deeply love and respect so many of you and did not want our desires to please any of you to influence us. Our initial, nearly paralyzing fear of losing relationships should this path lead where it appeared to be heading, has been replaced with a peace that doesn’t come naturally to people-pleasers like us. This has been a deeply personal, and at times very emotional, journey with the most amazing outcome. We are humbled beyond words to be called His children, knowing we could never deserve what He chooses to shower on us. Deb and I feel very secure in the Lord’s leading in this decision. We are more than willing to dialogue with any of you and will gladly attempt to answer any of your questions. As confusing or frightening as you may find this decision, please be assured that our love for Jesus our Savior, and our trust in his sacrificial death for our salvation has only been strengthened. His Word, which we both have always passionately loved, is even more alive and beautiful to us now.

In Christ’s Redemptive Love,

Matt and Debbie